Nour Jawhar

Edition VII

Burn - by Nour Jawhar (Photo by Hakim El Haj)Photo credit: Hakim El Haj

Burn

By Nour Jawhar

Watch me, swallow who I am whole
take my heart, black as coal
dark from all the souls I stole

Burn

I never learn
I understand your concern
but I need control
and time takes its toll
so for now I’ll wait while the fire burns me down
maybe the tears will put me out, hope I don’t drown

Bright eyes
show me that love dies as time flies

Sad skies
turn blue when you smile

Buy me flowers think you hella fly
but I forgot to tell you that unlike your last girl I hate roses
and lilies make me cry

Its alright, I’m alright
I just seem to stay up till morning light
can’t seem to sleep through the night
wide eyed terrified
nightmares haunt, I’m stuck in the tide
can’t find a guiding hand so I’ll go for the ride
head don’t hurt, foggy in my mind though
ain’t dizzy, going down in spirals slow
sittin still, heart’s gonna implode
full phone battery I’m runnin on low

Used to love myself that’s a while ago
used to sleep now I’m taken by the undertow
too tired to put on a show
cause you keep tryna grab my attention
bringing memories I’ve been suppressin

You stressin me out I’m confessin
I’m already way over my head 6 feet underwater
this is torture
cause now I feel myself falter

I keep addressing this
cause I can’t get you outta my head and no I don’t miss
You
and I don’t give a damn
since
I shouldn’t be the one asking for forgiveness

Got my own sins;
Alone alone all alone rather do that stay on my own,
lone wolves strip flesh from bones

Stop dragging me back to my past
still haven’t recovered from my last
reality slipping from my grasp, and if I hear this too shall pass one more time you gon get attacked
cause I’m boutta collapse, they say atlas carried the world well I can’t carry a few stones
turned one too many people into homes I suppose

Now god knows how Imma make it on the streets
all exposed, heart on my sleeve and cupids lost his bow
closed doors it’s all closed doors lost the one I loved the most
now he a ghost but truth be told he was always cold
cause I swear to god he didn’t even change
wasn’t that strange he was never a saint
so much things I did can’t be explained

Take me back to when I didn’t think of this
can’t deal with all the people I miss
so many people that need to forgive me and I need to forgive
but I’m drained and I can’t be blamed

Found his bow, but he hasn’t trained messed up his aim
now I’m slippin into love feels like a game
set aflame I’m maimed

Headaches headaches can’t sleep no more
not since we last sat together near the shore

High so high used to lull me to sleep at night
now you come to me in dreams
and I don’t know what that means

please

Leave

Because for once I can’t turn you into poetry
I can’t rewrite memories

Nostalgia has left and all I remember is

You, dreams of you haunt me and I’ve begged you to leave

I screamed for forgiveness till I woke up hoarse

but apparently I hurt you too much

because here I am 4 am

still up


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